Pride

Through a fit of computer cleaning, I came across this piece of poetry that I had written. It had been a long time since I had read it. It is still amazing to me how a piece of writing, a smell, a color, or the feel of something can bring back such a strong sense of nostalgia when experienced again at some point in ones lifetime. I was taken back to the day I wrote this and all the emotion that went with it. It was after a relationship that had crushed my heart. In retrospect most of my poems and short stories have been written during low times in my life. It is astonishing to me sometimes how much feelings whether high or low can inspire the artist in all of us. I believe my artistic highs come when I am most vulnerable to everything. When my walls are already knocked down, I feel stripped to the soul and all that is left is my light unprotected by my shield. I am uninhibited and unable to act other than what I am feeling. It is honest, naive, and genuine. To be able to transend my feelings into my art, whether it be sewing, writing, painting, or metalwork is a gift that I do not take for granted. Instead I live in the pain to create a brighter tomorrow. The funny thing about looking back at things that happened before is how different you feel when you are no longer in that same state of mind. As I read this now. I remember how I felt at the time and compared to now, it is day and night. At the time I was crushed with little hope for the next day. I could at the time tell you that I was never going to get over this one. This guy was different and the excuses went on. Fast forward to present time, I laugh that I was so helpless when compared to the strength I have today. I am not even close to resembling the girl that used to be me. I have learned through the experience and have advanced forward. My current situation just further justifies the feeling with the incredible contentment I feel everyday. He wasn’t the right one, but he was right for me at the time and left with me a piece of him that I will carry as a memory that shaped who I am today. This was written about my love life but I think it reaches further as to relate to many relationships that we come across in our lifetimes. It could be a boss, a friend, an enemy, or even a situation. I think we all feel at one time that even though our dignity is gone for a minute we scrape up all that’s left and hope to walk away with our pride still standing. Pride is what your parents sculpted as a part of your livelyhood that will take years to understand why. Whether it be individual pride, cultural pride, or symbolic pride we all discover the true meaning of it hopefully in our lifetime. I read this now and it invigorates me all over again and resonates on a deeper level than before. I will leave you to decide how it translates into your own life and hopefully take a piece of me as an everlasting memory. Namaste.

B.

PRIDE

You thought you crushed me,

left me with nothing

little do you know

you made me wiser.

I stand with pride,

no regret in what I felt

except the tears that stain my pillow.

The sun shines brighter,

the love has faded,

for it was just a joke.

I tried to believe in you,

now I remember

I only believe in ME!

So here’s to you,

in time you will battle your own blues,

and pay YOUR dues.

I stand proud,

fierce,

still beautiful.