Pride

Through a fit of computer cleaning, I came across this piece of poetry that I had written. It had been a long time since I had read it. It is still amazing to me how a piece of writing, a smell, a color, or the feel of something can bring back such a strong sense of nostalgia when experienced again at some point in ones lifetime. I was taken back to the day I wrote this and all the emotion that went with it. It was after a relationship that had crushed my heart. In retrospect most of my poems and short stories have been written during low times in my life. It is astonishing to me sometimes how much feelings whether high or low can inspire the artist in all of us. I believe my artistic highs come when I am most vulnerable to everything. When my walls are already knocked down, I feel stripped to the soul and all that is left is my light unprotected by my shield. I am uninhibited and unable to act other than what I am feeling. It is honest, naive, and genuine. To be able to transend my feelings into my art, whether it be sewing, writing, painting, or metalwork is a gift that I do not take for granted. Instead I live in the pain to create a brighter tomorrow. The funny thing about looking back at things that happened before is how different you feel when you are no longer in that same state of mind. As I read this now. I remember how I felt at the time and compared to now, it is day and night. At the time I was crushed with little hope for the next day. I could at the time tell you that I was never going to get over this one. This guy was different and the excuses went on. Fast forward to present time, I laugh that I was so helpless when compared to the strength I have today. I am not even close to resembling the girl that used to be me. I have learned through the experience and have advanced forward. My current situation just further justifies the feeling with the incredible contentment I feel everyday. He wasn’t the right one, but he was right for me at the time and left with me a piece of him that I will carry as a memory that shaped who I am today. This was written about my love life but I think it reaches further as to relate to many relationships that we come across in our lifetimes. It could be a boss, a friend, an enemy, or even a situation. I think we all feel at one time that even though our dignity is gone for a minute we scrape up all that’s left and hope to walk away with our pride still standing. Pride is what your parents sculpted as a part of your livelyhood that will take years to understand why. Whether it be individual pride, cultural pride, or symbolic pride we all discover the true meaning of it hopefully in our lifetime. I read this now and it invigorates me all over again and resonates on a deeper level than before. I will leave you to decide how it translates into your own life and hopefully take a piece of me as an everlasting memory. Namaste.

B.

PRIDE

You thought you crushed me,

left me with nothing

little do you know

you made me wiser.

I stand with pride,

no regret in what I felt

except the tears that stain my pillow.

The sun shines brighter,

the love has faded,

for it was just a joke.

I tried to believe in you,

now I remember

I only believe in ME!

So here’s to you,

in time you will battle your own blues,

and pay YOUR dues.

I stand proud,

fierce,

still beautiful.

SOUL RELEASE

My lungs inhale my needs
I sit ready to recite my creed.
Everything is changing with enhancement of season
in which there really is no reason.

I can feel the change in my bones
and I try everyday not to be a clone.
I dont feel the need to reconcile
I would rather be swimming down the Nile.

Sefl- enlightenment is lacking in my space,
hope is pumping in my blood leaving its trace
My change is more than just relocation,
it’s my heart’s promise to have dedication.

Crying to me is a soul in need of a release
so do me a favor and not comment please.
I’m tired of being the tough one.
Let my fragile soul come undone.

Bring on the demolition to crash my wall,
smash the rubble there is no need to crawl.
I just want to feed my entity,
I’ve been pondering for an eternity

Today will bring new things
My head whispers a verse that I feel the need to sing.
Changing with season is my soul medicating
no measure of reason or rating.

Minutes, hours, months, years
I am running through a tunnel full of mirrors.
I hope to see the truth,
sure I’ll take a martini minus the vermouth

I’ll finish this rant I suppose soon
because somewhere perhaps it is noon
Change has happened before my eyes
no more tears no more lies.

The Puzzle of Change.

Expectancy of  new things and change is always upon us. Do we choose the path or does the path choose us? To know the answer would be to solve all the puzzles at once. Then what? Do new puzzles evolve? Does life suddenly become more meaningful ? Would knowing all the answers make our lives more complete somehow? It is so difficult to take every situation every day as an event that impacts our lives somehow. How does one’s daily struggle with personal conflicts become an event that directs their life. The key may be to observe and filter everything that one believes is their version of reality. Versions of reality vary, as they should, so that past events can become tools to improve newly developing situations. To not waste these opportunities that one could learn and grow from is critical. Otherwise one will soon see a pattern of the same situations over and over, and the lesson is never learned. However is there a point to which we might dwell on those learning situations to the point of destruction? Certain events can permanently change and can never be forgotten. One could be ignoring getting past it or is secretly looking for the answers to their hurt from people involved. They will always relive the situation until the soul has come to terms and can grow from the experience. One doesn’t need to forget but has to move on in order to continue living their lives. Do we forget we are alive right now, breathing right now. The now that we live in is not when the event happened in the past. One has to be present and think, Is that situation really affecting my life right at this second? Why do I keep going back to this? Is it hurting my current present reliving the past so much? One is at a fork in the road and has to make a choice. Some of us get a hundred years to make decisions that can make ones life heaven or a living hell. Life will always throw situations and occurrences to test a person’s character. Which is why we need to listen, be present in today in order to make a better tomorrow.

Embedded Memory

What would you say if I told you I’ve been here before

not yesterday but hundreds of years ago

I still remember the smell of the rain as it began to pour.

no evidence to explain

just painted memories

slowly driving me insane.

Do you think it’s possible,

for a past life to exist?

the details blurry but yet unforgettable.

Your face is permanently etched in my head

your scent still lingers in the air

as the wind murmurs all the words that you said.

I remember feeling your love

from your very first stare

my body jolted from a spark up above.

 

The wind changed direction

as the dark clouds lurked overhead

For what I saw, I wish I had no recollection.

It was the most horrifying sight

You in the street, bleeding to death

I stood motionless as he hit you over and over with all his might.

The sirens screamed louder as they came up the street

I  dropped to my knees, sobbing, holding you close

fate of tragedy becoming  the vision of how we meet.

A change of scenery, a bright fluorescent room

The doctor was speaking but not a word was heard

Did he think I’d listen? I was swirling in gloom.

I wake with a start out of my trance

all that is left is an embedded memory

of a unexplained circumstance.

 

 

 

 

HOOKED ON A FEELING

I remember not so many years ago, days of sitting in my beautiful Victorian apartment in Capital Hill, one of those gorgeous bursting with character because it’s so old apartments. On those scorching 90 degree days when I was saturated in sweat in my anything but 21^st  century old school “I don’t believe in AC “apartments, was when I really did regret not taking that boring, but remodeled and updated apartments in a little sub division that my parents felt I would be much safer if I lived there. Most of us develop coping mechanisms when having to deal with a situation that isn’t really convenient. My coping mechanism was a combination of 3 things: a pint of ice cream, a bottle of Ketel One, and all 6 seasons of Sex and the City on DVD.  All 3 coincided with each other at a crucial point in the day of events, first came the decision of which season I wanted to watch, even though I could quote pretty much every line. Around 3 episodes deep Carrie and I would have cosmopolitans together, and I would cry every time Big would break her heart or when she stupidly cheated and eventually gave up Aiden. Each time showed that the “bad boy” always hooks the heart but never reels in, and the “nice guy” is left begging you to marry him. How does a girl know when that guy is the one? Does true love even truly exist in this divorce driven society that teaches younger generations that marriage is like a car, replaceable when the mind strikes a fancy for change and can be upgraded to your specifications. With this not so promising fork in the road that we call marriage, one would think with my ignorance gone that there would be no way I could believe in actual true love.  This is when the ice cream came in to medicate the headache from the tears and perhaps the vodka. Creating a joyful numbness and break from the exhaustion from crying for Carrie. I figured with all of her heart ache, my no AC problem was frivolous and minuscule.

I am a rare girl who believes that the soul’s counterpart really does exist in the universe for one to find. Love that feels like that home run, over the fence, reach for the stars, make you want to throw up, let you eat the last piece of cheese cake kind of love. Sounds ridiculous but even you have to admit, it does make you smile to believe that it could be possible. My latest and present relationship definitely has those days when my heart and mind truly recognize the bliss that the universe has blessed me with and the days that make me question. It didn’t start out like a fairy tale, but in every way all the hard times have made it that much more worthy of pulling through. My relationship has definitely gone through all the tribulations that you could imagine but yet it is perfect and has happily ever after written all over it for me. I keep juggling with my conclusions on love and how to tell if you have met the one. As any person of an analytical mind would do for research, one has to remember all the events that have shaped you and your partner’s love and respect for each other excelling to the next milestone on each others path.  Of course all data collected has to be compared against other test subjects. One thing that was the most common conclusion was the fact that I could remember in detail all of the crucial memories of our life together that in the past I never really bothered to notice or care. I remember the first time I saw him and the heat I felt in my cheeks when I shook his hand. I remember our first real conversation when I realized how smart and funny he is. I remember our first kiss in the basement playing bubble hockey and dancing, all becoming a blur in the moment he kissed me, making seconds feel like eternity. I remember having to acknowledge sometimes timing is everything and if you love something, you have to let it go and if it comes back it was meant to be.  I remember seeing him again after time had matured our hearts and our minds, which gave us the opportunity to really give in to each other. I remember that feeling in the gut of my stomach telling me to trust in my love and it would be requited. I had always believed that he was my Aiden and that if I chose to not run away and take a leap of faith that our relationship would thrive and prosper. I knew that a man who actually made me crave everything about him was probably the closest thing I was going to get, to my vision of what love is. I also believe that the soul holds onto the precious memories that will be used in the future when looking back on the patterns in your life. I am always asking the question, is forever even conceivable? I was raised with the notion that believing in love was undecided as well as forever, was however long my attention span could focus long enough to even try to love and be loved. I try everyday to let the little things go, and with someone who you really care about, you don’t even notice the little things. One learns to treasure and never take each other for granted. No one ever said it would be easy but yet if it was, wouldn’t you be bored? Love does make people crazy but yet it is that passion and spontaneity that will carry a relationship for years. An anniversary shouldn’t be a testament of each others timeline together, but should be a renewal of each others adoration, respect, and love. I want to wake up each morning and know that you are a blessing in my life and that each moment is forever. So I love you today, two weeks, two years, ten years, or till my entity is gone from this world. I believe that our love grows, not just plentiful in the beginning but for all the days we have.  I believe in meant to be, including the hard times, the great times, and the in between.  I am used to losing everything important, if my head wasn’t attached, I would most likely lose that too. However if I were to lose my head, my heart would still know that I’m hooked on that feeling.

Hello world! Meet the Yoga Drama Queen

Bijou first discovered yoga back when she was around ten years old from her ballet teacher. It was amazing to Bijou how easily with practice her flexibility, balance and agility increased and became stronger with ease. She didn’t find out till 14 that the strengthening exercises that her ballet teacher made her do daily was this awesome phenomenon called Yoga. Bijou was already a very spiritual person and daily practices of her asanas brought her the peace and tranquility to really find out who she was. In the yoga community Bijou experienced an overwhelming feeling of the power of energy exchange between her instructors,mentors, and fellow lovers of yoga. She felt she had embarked on the path of understanding what her true purpose in life, leading to a divine destiny in healing people with her hands, words, and love of teaching others the power of yoga. Bijou has been embracing her love of yoga for the last 16 years and was able to fulfill her dream of becoming a certified Yoga Instructor last year by two incredible yogi inspirations: Richii Jai, and Indigo Stray. Immersing her with the knowledge and confidence to live the rewarding life of being a yogini. Bijou is certified in Power Vinyasa Flow Lev 2-3 and has a strong knowledge in traditional Bikram Yoga. Bijou has had the privilege of practicing with world renowned yogis. Her love of yoga increases with every  life changing experience in many different types of yoga all over the country from beach yoga in Kona, Hawaii all the way to the east coast in Virginia Beach where Bikram is the favorite in the community. Bijou is currently in school studying Human Dietetics, and Integrative Therapeutic Practices. She plans on becoming an Auryavedic Practicioner and continue teaching Yoga for many years to come.

Live, Dream, Dance and share your heart.

Namaste.

“A Lotus for You, A Buddha to be!”